The last few days have been a struggle for me. And I think today it all came to a head. My mood was kind of a surprise because the end of last week felt so promising. But the past several days have just felt like a grind and completely overwhelming. And I don’t think my poor sleep and dream about my dad last night helped the situation either. Today, I just felt like I had to purposefully put one foot in front of the other to make it through. If some one had offered to come and take this boat away, I think I would have accepted. I also found myself in tears this morning while telling Mike about my dream and then again at the end of the day. I guess it’s normal to still be suddenly stricken with sadness 8 months after my father passing away. And today I just missed him terribly. I am just so thankful that our down moods don’t seem to coincide. Because Mike was a love and really helped me get through the day. If we were both in this state at the same time I think that we would run away screaming, or more likely just crumble into a heap on the floor never to rise again.
But the more we trudge forward, the quicker we will be in the water. Our electric sander finally called in quits after faltering for the past month. So we made a quick run into town on the dolmus to buy a new one. And the new toy helped in giving me some motivation to get the aft decks sanded in preparation for the primer. Then it was scrubbing the decks with Por Coz (a household cleaner…acid) to try and get the thousands of tiny rust spots off from all of the grinding and metal dust. I felt like Cinderella. Mike was successful in getting the throttle control, the panel for the engine gauges, and engine room vents mounted, and dry-fitted the hatch for the chain locker. So despite my meltdowns it was a pretty productive day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Independence has a middle name. Inspiration, the middle name is Inspiration.
ReplyDeleteFor several days I have digested the intimate, and sad details of your meltdown.
A life time is not long. The loss of those we love lasts a life time. It is a joy to know the memory of important people in our lives will last forever. Those of us who have lost loved ones can tell you Serena, that eight months is not a long time. I'm sorry about your loss. Your dad was a special guy. We know because you turned out pretty cool, and he is part of that. RIP
Someone I admire told me, "sometimes you have to take a risk." Risk means willing to loose, and knowing you loose if you don't try.
Independence is an inspiration to me. Her owners have taken risk, willing to loose, and knowing they loose if they don't try.
The fact that you are living on the Independence, in a foreign country, on land (not natural for a boat), is a huge risk. Thank you for sharing it with us. Your success is on our minds daily. It helps us along our way too.
I was climbing Mt.Baker on Sunday, June 13 on skis. In the morning sun, at 8000 feet, I focused on the sparkling diamonds from snow crystals catching the sun. I thought of water, snow is water, like the ocean is water. I thought of the Independence alone on the sparkling sea on a sun filled day, sails full from a fresh breeze. That gave me a lift.
We are in the same ocean. I know you want me to be safe, take risk, and give everything I put my mind to the best I have to offer. You have seen me at my worst, and encouraged me when I needed it the most. Thank you again for that.
Inspiration is the middle name for Independence.
This is what you get when you make me cry reading your post.
Strawberry season is here in Washington. Wet spring doesn't stop the juicy berry from turning red. Yum. The days are long, it is June at latitude 47.6 North and longitude 122.33 West, Seattle, (record that,it will help you reach home). We are enjoying mild damp weather, a weak low from the coast is visiting.
Inspiration!
Warmly yours,
From Rainier Valley, Seattle
Jenny